Why Croquet Could Never Work For Kaiba
by silver-dagger-113
Summary: (Set at the end of Duelist Kingdom) Croquet doesn't have a job. Kaiba hires him. And what do rabid man-eating crocodiles have to do with this? (One-shot)


Right, this isn't especially good, but it was pretty funny when my brother and I made it up last night. You see, we were watching a repeat of Yu-Gi-Oh on Cartoon Network and it was an episode when Odion and Joey were dueling. We couldn't remember the name of the referee guy who worked for Kaiba. And for some reason Croquet came up, because hey, he was a pretty good ref in Duelist Kingdom. And that's how this started, More or less.

Oh, and for those of you who don't remember, Croquet was Pegasus's number one henchman. Y'know. Old guy. Sunglasses. Always at Pegsy's side. Yeah.

Disclaimer: Er…No…

**Why Croquet Could Never Work For Kaiba**

(After Pegasus has been defeated by Yugi and the souls of Mokuba, Gramps, and Kaiba have been returned)

Seto Kaiba was striding down the hall, having had quite enough of Pegasus and his little games. Why he was in the dungeon, he didn't know. And he had a feeling he didn't _want_ to know. So he was leaving. He was going to find his brother and get the hell of the island.

As he was ranting, he almost walked into Pegasus's number one henchman, Croquet.

"I hope you enjoyed your stay, Mr. Kaiba," the gray haired man said.

"Um…Yeah, aside from the whole stealing my brother's soul, handing me a humiliating defeat in a duel, and the memory lapse waking up in the dungeon thing…It was nice, yeah."

Croquet bowed. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, sir."

Not really one for small talk, Kaiba replied, "I'm sure you have something you're supposed to be doing for Pegasus. I'll let myself out."

"Actually, Master Pegasus had the Millennium Eye ripped out of his head a few minutes ago. So, needless to say, he's in a great deal of pain and I'm on temporary vacation. Unless he dies on he way to the hospital. Then I'll be on a permanent vacation. Sigh."

Kaiba shrugged. "You're hired. Now you work for me."

"Er, thank you sir!" He bowed.

"No problem. I'm always looking for loyal henchmen."

"Well, that's me," Croquet said, nodding. "Loyal as a dog. Well, there was this one time I tried to strangle Master Pegasus while he was sleeping…But that was it!"

"I guess I can understand that," Kaiba said unflinchingly. "He is rather annoying."

"…And the time I poisoned his 'grape juice.'"

"Grape juice? That is so wine!"

"I know! Hey, but what if Pegasus comes gets better and finds out I went to work for you?"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of him."

Croquet blinked. "_Take care_ of him?"

Kaiba blinked. "Ummm…No…I mean…Um…What makes you think I want to kill him? You just assume that I would want revenge, that I would like nothing more than to strangle him with all that girly long hair of his? To paper cut him to death with his own Duel Monsters cards? Is that it? Well, is it?!?!"

Once the CEO had quieted down, Croquet cleared his throat. "Mr. Kaiba?"

"Yes?"

"I can't work for you. You're more insane than I am. You're even more insane than Mr. Pegasus, I think. I quit."

"You'll never take me alive!!!" Kaiba then kicked Croquet in the shin and jumped out the nearest window with that shiny bullet-proof briefcase of his.

Croquet shrieked and grabbed his shin. "Ow, that hurt! Wow, what a psycho." He hopped over to the window on his good leg. "Say hi to the rabid man-eating crocodiles for me, won't you?"

Kaiba's voice drifted up the wall: "Ahhhh! You ripped my coat! Now I'm going to have to get the tailor to get the fang marks out! OW THAT"S MY LEG YOU FOOLISH CREATURE OF THE DEVIL!" He then hit the crocodile with his briefcase.

THUNK.

"Hey, that's cruelty to animals…"

People from the ASPCA jumped out of a helicopter and arrested Seto Kaiba. He spent the rest of his life in an insane asylum. Until he died when a crocodile escaped from the zoo and ate everyone in the asylum.

And that's why Croquet could never work for Kaiba.

END

ASPCA: The American Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Animals.

Well, I'll admit, that wasn't good at all. But oh well! (Bows) Adios!


End file.
